


Your R(eason), My R(eason)

by AmbroseRivers



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angel! Phil, Depression, Human! Dan, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbroseRivers/pseuds/AmbroseRivers
Summary: Phil watches Dan each time he goes to the rooftop. The rules are starting to constrict him.





	Your R(eason), My R(eason)

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the Vocaloid song, "My R" and this piece will be a couple of short chapters. Keep an eye on those warnings as they will be updated with each chapter. I haven't decided if I should alternate POVs.  
> For this chapter, these are your WARNINGS: Depression and suicidal thoughts.

Daniel wasn't his first charge, of course.

Phil was an experienced guardian and had protected many people in his lifetime...had seen many through their own lifespan, no matter how short or long the thread of their existence had been unraveled from the spool of life.

He had watched many scenarios like this one in locations that changed but still held the same meaning. He had stood by those with nooses around their neck, nails digging into the rough rope in their uncertainty...had flown over choppy water as they swam until their muscles could no longer bear it, clawing in one last fight against the unforgiving waves...he had even been on rooftops, different in style and age but the same structure, the same intent.

Phil always mourned their passing, eyes puffy and sore from his weeping and his torso heavy with grief but this was different because Daniel hadn't jumped yet, wasn't even in the process of toeing the precipice, but there was already a cold lump of dread that weighing down his abdomen and urgent pulses of desperation flowed through his veins.

It was the same and it was so radically, irrevocably different that Phil stepped closer, eyes locked on Dan as the boy peeked over the railing of the deserted roof. 

His fringe stirred in the soft breeze as his upper body angled downward, knuckles white from their grip on the cold cylinder of metal, and Phil drifted even closer to mirror his action. The street below was drenched in the hazy golden glow the streetlights cast and the harsher illumination of the cars mulling by and his head spun uneasily.

 _“Why are you here?”_ Phil phrased the question carefully because he was addressing Dan directly.

Dan could pass it off as an intrusive thought or a wry commentary on how he ended up in this precarious and dangerous position and Phil wasn’t surprised when Dan slowly straightened his spine and tilted his head back to gaze the clouds struggling to make their journey across the sky with trembling lips.

“I’m just here to think,” Dan murmured lowly. He was self-conscious because he thought he was addressing himself but the shakiness of his voice was different somehow and Phil frowned as a squirmy, foreign sensation danced in his chest. “I just need to think.”

“ _What are you thinking about?”_

Dan flinched, bringing a hand up to tangle in his hair. “I don’t want to think about him…I just...you know what?” He laughed, squeaky and strained, as he spun on his heel with an incredulous jerk of his head. “It’s not like he’s my boyfriend and he cheated on me. It’s just a crush…”

Phil stepped closer to Dan, taking care to keep a gap between them so they wouldn’t touch- even accidentally. He used to think he understood the logic behind the rules given to him but here, when he was commanded to watch Dan oscillate between the railing and the wide expanse of the roof, he ached to break at least one and hug Dan.

 _“Hey, don’t do that!”_ He hissed instead and Dan stumbled back a few steps. The blackness of his pupils spread across his irises hastily and Phil bit his lip guiltily, ruffling his feathers. _“If he’s the one, then…”_ He lost his words at the tightness in his chest. _“Then go for it.”_

“It’s just a crush,” Dan mumbled but there was a glint of something in his eyes as he shivered. He rubbed his arms and Phil sucked in a grateful breath as Dan finally made his way back to the door. “I’m being so stupid.”

-

_Dan giggled as his chin was pushed up and Ethan’s lips pressed against his sloppily, limbs uncoordinated and clumsy from the smuggled alcohol they were sipping._

_Phil’s hands clenched into fists by his sides but he merely pulled his wings in tighter as he observed the downward curve of Rebecca’s lips and the envy spiraling off of her in tangible waves. He caught the flash of primary feathers that resembled blood that has been exposed to the air for a long while as he dipped his chin to study the girl as Dan and Ethan stood up to stumble their way through the noisy and crowded living room._

_“Be careful,” He whispered to Dan in vain, following the two boys up the stairs before he situated himself outside the closed bedroom door, a roiling unpleasant sensation in the pit of his belly preventing him from going any further. “Hearts can be robbed, too. I hope Chamuel and Sophia are watching over you.”_

_He knew then that they would run into the jade-eyed girl again but he wasn’t shocked when her hand was wrapped around Ethan’s._

_It seemed like Dan wasn’t either. Yet, tears pooled in his warm cinnamon eyes as the girl noticed him, freezing, until she turned away to rest her head on Ethan’s arm as they continued to walk._

_Phil's left wing twitched as Cassiel moved from his spot on the bench a few feet away so he could rest his hand on Dan's throat lightly, bowing his head in greeting. Phil nodded, hiding his balled fists in the long sleeves of his robe, and Cassiel paused to eye him curiously for a moment before he retreated from Dan to kick off into the sky._

_“Well,” Dan sighed, wiping away the water tickling his skin. “Fuck him, then.”_

_Phil reached for Dan’s listless fingers before he realized what he was doing. He gritted his teeth as he glared in the direction Cassiel had taken his leave._

_“You can do better,” He comforted but Dan didn’t react because Phil wouldn’t let him hear and for some reason, that made his chest constrict. "You should have cussed him out. Cassiel can't stop you... if your desire is strong enough."_

_Dan lowered his head, shoulders hiked to just below his ears, as he clutched the strap of his backpack._

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted to my Tumblr: loveinthebones.  
> I should also mention that this was started a million years ago when I was doing the Song Shuffle Challenge is how the idea for/universe in which "Don't Say a Word" came about.


End file.
